Halos and Horns

My daughter just turned two. She looks just like her daddy, which is a good thing! She acts just like her mama, for better or worse… and sometimes both. She has his eyes and my laugh, his nose and my volume control problem, his smile and my energy… and then some! From her early days, she has charmed me with her smiles, cuddles, and kisses. Every milestone in her young life seems to highlight yet another of her sweet characteristics. At ten months old, she would take my face in her hands and press her face up against my cheek and give mama her special giggle-kisses. At 15 months old, she started saying, “God bless you mama,” whenever I sneezed. (Okay, so it sounded like “Gaw bess eu mama” but I know what she meant.) Recently she learned that mommy's name is “Faith” and now that's what she's named her baby doll. I've actually asked myself how it is humanly possible to love someone this much. She is mommy's little angel.

If you noticed, however, I began this article with “My daughter just turned two.” I'm sure that you guessed that what followed couldn't be all shimmery wings and shining halos. You see, my daughter inherited more than my shining halo. She inherited my horns, too. My little angel turned two and discovered that she had a will of her own, apart from mommy's will for her. She discovered that if she made a big enough racket, mom might cave and give up on trying to get her to eat her dinner. She learned that mommy's attention was easily acquired when large crocodile tears were present. And, to be honest, I don't always handle these struggles well, getting frustrated and impatient when I should be calm and nurturing.

Before I had a child, I knew that I needed Jesus, and not just a one time need, but a continual and deep need of Jesus in my life for healing, guidance, and forgiveness. Before I had a child, I knew that my sin affected other people. But, everyone in my life was a “grown up.” They knew my short comings and they knew their own. After my daughter was born, all of the sudden there was someone in my life who was too little to understand my errors, too small to pick themselves up and dust themselves off if I knocked them down, too fragile for me to drop the ball.

I try to be the best mom I can possibly be. But sometime it seems like the best I can be isn't enough. Never before has it been so blatantly clear to me that I – a seasoned Christian, born into a pastor's family, wife of a budding pastor – need Jesus. As much as I try to be the perfect mom, I fail and fall on my knees, praying that the Lord would have mercy on me, a sinner.

But, through every bad day, no matter how far our halos may tilt to the side, God's mercy and grace see us through. Every Sunday, I go to church knowing that God has wonderful news in store for me and my daughter. Jesus Christ came to save sinners, and thank God for that! His Spirit, given to us in baptism, sustains us day to day, keeping the halo from falling off entirely. His body and blood keep us ever mindful of what He has done for us and give forgiveness and mercy to His children.

My daughter and I may go through life struggling between our halos and horns, but Jesus Christ is victorious and won the battle on our behalf. He gave us His halo of righteousness, which never slips to the side. Knowing that His love never fails gives me hope for when my toddler hits her teen years… Lord have mercy!